It’s Getting Hot And Heavy Over Here….
If you’ve been on the socials lately you’d know how much my day to day has changed over the last four months.
I never really payed attention to the lack of attention I gave myself
until one day I did
It started out last year wanting to heal my gut then lead to investing in a garage gym
that ultimately ended in my joining a gym locally in January.
Now I know what you’re probably thinking… how the fuck does not giving yourself attention and joining the gym related to each other…
I promise you they are.
I chose myself that day when I signed up for training zone.
I chose to do what my intuition has been telling me to do this whole time.
I wanted to rewrite my relationship with working out and going to the gym and push me past my anxiety.
Growing up I was always the bigger girl, shit even in the army I was always struggling with maintaining the appropriate fitness regulations.
When I got out of the army I told myself I wouldn’t force myself to workout if I didn’t want to and so I didnt…
Looking back I wish I would’ve pushed myself but honestly I needed to heal, not just from the military but my childhood trauma
I started doing the healing work and finally got to see the bigger picture…
So, I created a daily habit that worked for me no matter what other people said. Because at the end of the day I knew my body and my capabilities.
People will always have their own opinions and I’ve learned that that not a me problem lol that a them problem.
SO do what you feel you need to
By giving myself this time to myself daily…
Man I can’t tell you how many times i’ve been told that im glowing.
The anger has been subsiding, I am calmer through my day, and less bothers me.
By giving myself the attention I deserve I am creating an environment where I can truly be happy and thrive.
Most gym days I can’t even tell you what I did because I disassociate and just allow all the emotions to flow through me.
The energetic release after working out has been an amazing thing to actually experience
But the truth… I’m so disappointed in myself to have allowed everyone to come before me for my entire life.
I asked myself over and over how I could just easily let myself go. And I can tell you it wasn’t just an isolated event…
It was a pattern of being too tired, not being supported, being taken advantage of, and just fucking life over my whole life.
And at the end I was just left feeling stuck, unhappy, feeling like an alien in my own skin, having trouble breathing, and the worst one yet… Not being able to last on top for more than like 20 seconds.
But the sad truth is…
I deserve to show up for myself, I deserve to give myself the attention I need to thrive. Both physical and mental.
And so I do, I show up for the Cassie that had nobody… not even herself.
And I show myself how I want and deserve to be treated.
And now I can last longer on top hahah so there’s that!
I guess the whole point of this post is just to remind you that life has a way of going faster than we can see sometimes…
Just make sure you are feeding your soul in some way or another and truly giving yourself the love and attention it deserves. Because I can promise you’ll regret not treating yourself better in the end.
